How are you?

Quote I saw on pinterest

What a question. I find myself sometimes paralyzed by the amount of things I could say. The truth is, I'm always a lot of things. I'm feeling a bunch of different feelings at any given point. I'm feeling grateful for the rain since our state is in a drought. I'm also, if I'm being honest, feeling borderline depressed at times when I look outside to the gray, dreary, wet world, thinking about how quite soon, I'll need to exit my big comfy couch with warm coffee to join it. I'm also feeling anxious about driving in it, and all the possible dangers that entails. How do I answer that question? Do I quickly calculate a "net feeling" in my brain? Do I create a pie chart of percentages for how much I'm feeling which emotion?

I saw the quote above (finally jumped on the pinterest train rabbit hole) and noticed myself getting defensive - "shouldn't you be honest and answer truthfully when someone asks how you are?" Then the more I thought, the more I recognized that there is never a time I'm feeling absolutely 100% down in the dumps. Of course, I have moments where that can be up to 99% of how I'm feeling, in which case I may still choose to answer "I'm feeling awful," but what I realized is that I always have a choice because I always have a feeling - no matter how small - of gratitude inside me. As long as I am alive, I have waking up to be grateful for each day, and the ability to focus on and express that truth.

Thanks to God and the gift of waking up each morning, I can always choose to answer that question in a way that talks about my joys. What a joy it is to be alive.

New Year, FRESH Start #vegetablegoals

check out pinterest for more re: bullet journals

Happy New Year! Great News: as you may notice (on my fancy-new-bullet-journal on the left) I set a goal this year of 100 blog posts (roughly 2/week) as a way to ensure that no matter the circumstance, I am taking time to express gratitude in my life. I got a little off the gratitude train there after November 8... grateful to be back on the train! Praying that this year is one filled with peace, love, hope, and joy for everyone in our world. I am grateful for each of those things that I've personally felt already in 2017 - for sweet quality time with close friends, exceeding my 7 hugs goal at my amazing church during our aggressive passing of the peace :), and a phone call from an inspiring teacher that brings me boundless hope for the future of the Richmond community.

Am also grateful for setting VEGETABLE goals again this year, and more specifically, to eat 1,800 servings of vegetables over the course of 2017. As you can see below, I'm off to a great start. Now, fixin' to go stick some of that green stuff in my smoothie. KALE YEAH. #missedme? #backinaction #watchout2017

Tilapia finely seasoned with random cajun stuff in my pantry. Side salad with get this: no cheese! #allfresh

Yoga

Last week I tried Yoga for the first time (not counting the one time ten years ago in college.) I have many close friends who enjoy the practice, and now that I am all-in on the mindfulness train, I figured I would enjoy this type of exercise/mindfulness.

What I wasn't expecting was how free I felt. The instructor kept saying things like "stretch your body out as long as it will go," and so I did. I stretched out my 5'8" long body, stretched out my long, lanky arms, and lifted my legs into the air. I felt free because I realized I had the permission I felt I needed to take up space, as much of it as I possibly could. I didn't feel constrained by things like social norms that dictate ladies shouldn't kick their legs up in the air, sexism that dictates men need/deserve more room on the BART train, at the table, really anywhere... I felt like I deserved the space I was taking up. It's not like I was consciously not trying to take up space in the world before, but this experience made me realize I was sometimes afraid to do so.

I am excited to continue taking up space in and out of Yoga mat land. #nastywoman4yoga

O love that will not let me go...

1. "O Love that will not let me go,
   I rest my weary soul in thee;
   I give thee back the life I owe,
   That in thine ocean depths its flow
   May richer, fuller be.
2. O Light that foll’west all my way,
   I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
   My heart restores its borrowed ray,
   That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
   May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
   I cannot close my heart to thee;
   I trace the rainbow through the rain,
   And feel the promise is not vain,
   That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
   I dare not ask to fly from thee;
   I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
   And from the ground there blossoms red
   Life that shall endless be."
5. -George Matheson

Thinking of this hymn we used to sing in my many summers spent on Lookout Mountain (Mentone, Alabama) at Camp DeSoto. Grateful for the joy that seekest me through pain and pray that morn shall truly tearless be.

Bullet Journal

As someone who strongly identifies with this image, organization has been a struggle for as long as I can remember:

Last week, my growth mindset kicked in and I began to revolutionize my planning. It all started last Monday when my colleague & sweet friend, Kelley, offered to teach us her organizational magic ways via her bullet journal. Immediately drawn in, I ordered one of these (but in purple, duh) and made a date with her to begin the process on Friday.

Here we created a plan for an incredible week:

• On the right here, you can see my prayer for the week, "must wins" or top three priorities, big events/meetings that shape up the week, and other To Do's, personal, and backburner/great ideas I can't do now but don't want to forget about! 
• At the end I left space for reflection, which I completed yesterday after thinking through some wins and next levels for my week.On the left here, you can see what a day would look like (very similar structure)
• I have loved being able to plan strategically, capture tasks that come up during the day/week, and do so with some color & flair [pens]

Shout out to Kelley, Moleskine, Flair Pens, and everyone who listened to me while I rambled on about my fun new org system!

Purpose of Vision

I have found it challenging to write a post these past few weeks given the recent murders of black men happening both in my community and in the nation. How could my heart be happy during a time of such suffering?

On Monday, I was reminded again by the beauty of purpose and how it can create a happy heart even amidst pain. I was preparing for a coaching conversation with her, when I found out that one of the students shot on Friday was a student she taught last year. I followed my intuition and immediately texting her, offering to push back the conversation if her mind wasn't in the right headspace for it. She declined the offer and said she'd be there, ready to engage in our coaching conversation. About halfway through the conversation, she said something like, "This is why I wanted to have our conversation today. I need to be focused on my vision for ensuring my students feel they have choices - I'm not sure if C ever felt that he did..." She reminded me that actually living into our vision can be the most healing thing in times of trial. I feel so tempted at times to retreat, pull away, and put my vision on "pause" so I can mourn, while she saw so clearly that the true purpose of a vision was to pull you through during times like these.

Leaving that conversation my heart was happier than it's been all month. Grateful for all that I learn from my incredibly inspiring and wise corps members.

I less than three Bacon

Among my more unhealthy vices is bacon. While thankfully it's not the easiest of things to make (and so dangerous - bacon grease literally LEAPING out at you!) I still do enjoy it more than the average human, and it gives me a (albeit not very healthy but nevertheless) happy, heart. 

I was reminded of this love when visiting one of my new teacher's classrooms. Students finished writing their 6 word memoirs and they hung outside of the teacher's door. I scanned the door to find my favorite and immediately set eyes on my spirit-8th-grader:

#missingmiddleschoolers #thirteen